The “Don’t Wanters”
I can’t get over some of the men that are out there trying to pick up these days. The ones who talk down to women like we’re dirt or the ones who are so controlled by their mamas that you wonder if they will ever know how to form an opinion of their own! These are just a couple examples of “Don’t Wanters”.
It happens far too often that wonderful, sexy DIVAS like yourself end up falling for a man who is misleading you. Just when you manage to get away from one; you find yourself suckered in by another. Don’t beat yourself up over this, but do learn to spot the signs so that you can run far away from these ‘Don’t Wanters” when they come along with their sweet talk and promises of a better life that they can’t really give you.
Here are some signs to look out for and what they mean:
- He’s animated, fun, charming and looking to settle down, but has had numerous failed relationships and left a lot of women heartbroken along the way. He is the Commitment Phobic.
- He still lives with his mom, even though he makes a decent income and she if self-sufficient and doesn’t really need to be there. He is the Mama’s Boy.
- He is incredibly romantic, seems perfect on paper and really knows how to woo you—not a Player—a Romanticizer which is even worse! This man is always looking for the thrill of the fantasy relationship which means he will move on as soon as the thrill is gone.
- He thinks he is God’s gift to women and can’t stop talking about himself and what makes him so great; an answer for everything and a knows how to double-talk like a champ. He is the Player.
- He is ‘in between jobs’, his car is ‘in the shop’ and he has a lot of really big goals like to make it big in the music biz and always has ‘a lot of projects on the go’. He talks such a good game that you find yourself goin’ off to work while he ‘takes care of things’ from home while living off of you. He is the Pimp-Lazy Ass.
- He is too stylish, too neat, too sensitive and too good to be true because he is the Homosexual Dude! If it looks like a duck…
These are just a few of the types of men that you need to be weary of. You are a sexy DIVA who takes good care of her child(ren) and deserves to find unconditional and everlasting love. Check out my chapter on “Don’t Wanters” in Single Moms Dating Guide to Catching the Man of Your Dreams in 30 Days so that you can be clear on what to get close to and what to run the hell away from!
Do You Believe In Destiny?
Do You Believe In Destiny?
Some people believe that your destiny is already laid out for you and good or bad, no matter what you do, it finds you. People also believe in soul-mates and in that one person that was made for you that you are meant to be with no matter how bumpy the road is getting to him. I guess that’s what I believe.
I do believe in putting yourself out there and always being open to receiving love because I believe that the one who is meant to be yours will find his way to you when you are both open and ready for it. I also believe that you do have to kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince so that you can be more appreciative of the love that you find in him and that you learn from every experience good or bad. I also think that everything that happens; happens for a reason and each experience—good or bad—brings you a step closer. And if you’ve read my other blogs and seen my video on YouTube, then you can see why I am so strong in my beliefs.
I thought of a movie that even though it’s a little far-fetched and goes a little but overboard; shows you how your actions and experiences lead you to where you are meant to be, even if it doesn’t seem that way at first. The movie I’m talking about is called ‘Only You’ and is about a young woman who believes in destiny and soul mates and travels to Italy chasing what she thinks is her destiny. It’s funny, it’s romantic and it is definitely going to make you feel good in the end.
Have you ever watched it? What did you think?? I always love to hear from my readers and fellow DIVAS so I know what you’re thinking. Leave a comment or drop me an email. I would love to hear from you!
DontDateHimGirl.com Gives Women A Place To Go and Get Revenge On Jerks
Wow! Long gone are the days where a woman would simply sit back and cry after being burned by a man. I was just on a site called Don’t Date Him Girl where women post the names of men they have dated who turned out to be cheaters, liars and abusers! The site was started a few years ago by a woman who was cheated on by her boyfriend and she decided to post his picture and details online along with her story to get her revenge and keep other girls from making the mistake she did by dating him. It snowballed from there because other women started sending in their stories and pics of the men who had jerked them around. The site now features not only listings of men who have done women wrong, but also dating advice, articles, news and more!
I personally would rather handle a situation a little but more privately, but you gotta give the girl credit for standing up for herself and for the success of her website which has turned into a whole online social community! As a woman who has been burned, you can feel pretty helpless when you realize that the man you loved misled you and treated you like dirt, so there is something cool about seeing women fighting back and helping other woman to not make the same mistake they did.
The site isn’t only limited to getting revenge on lying jerks; it also aims at empowering women and the articles include advice on how to be successful in all areas of your life and it encourages women to share any advice that might be helpful to another woman.
In my book, Single Moms Guide to Catching the Man of Your Dreams in 30 Days, I talk about how important it is to check out a man before you get serious, and this site is one place where you can search his name for free. You never know what you’ll find out!
Checking out the listings of the jerks makes for a pretty fun afternoon if you’ve got nothing else going on and have some time to kill online. You really do see it all; from guys who stole from women to guys giving girls herpes! Nasty!
A Sad But True Story
A friend of mine has gone through something that makes me realize how important a lot of what I preach in my book is. I constantly stress the importance of making sure that you really know someone before sleeping with them to bringing them home around your child(ren). I have even recommended that you go as far as having a background check done on your man and people often think that is being a little excessive and going overboard, but when you hear what happened to a woman I know; you will realize that I am right.
Imagine meeting a man that has all of the amazing qualities that you’ve been looking for, falling in love and moving in with him. You want to get married but he gives you a song and dance about how it will happen, just not yet and keeps putting it off and you keep accepting his excuses and find yourself still living with him eight years later! You don’t really understand why he won’t marry you, but you love him and stay because your love and hope keeps you there. One day you get a call that he has died in a car accident and you’re whole world comes crashing down. All of your hopes and dreams for the future wiped away because of an accident and you are left devastated. You can’t imagine feeling any worse when you stumble upon a whole bunch of information about him that you never know. The death of a relative seems to bring everyone out of the woodwork; from those paying their respects to those looking for anything of material value that the dead may have left behind. Imagine after all of that time and then dealing with the death of the man that you love and had spent almost a decade with; children that you never knew he had begin to surface! Five different children from three different mothers—none of which he ever mentioned and you never had any idea existed!
You really do believe that you know someone after eight years and some are even convinced after only a couple of months that they know their man inside out! Love can make us do crazy things, including compromising our own safety, sanity and even our lives because we let our hearts rule and tune out what our heads and loved ones are telling us.
My friend devoted the last eight years of her life to a man who wouldn’t marry her, only to find out that he had been lying from day one. She wanted marriage, but thought that she was doing the right thing by compromising since the timing wasn’t right yet for him. She spent eight years sleeping with the enemy so to speak! Imagine seeing that man’s face every night and every morning for eight years and finding out that he was pretty much a stranger to you because he had a whole other life that you never knew about and that he obviously went out of his way to keep hidden.
Take note of all of this and realize that I am not being paranoid and just too old fashion when I stress the importance of checking up on a man before things get too serious and of not living with someone before marriage. She lost the years that they were together, will lose a few more trying to deal with and move on from what she’s been through and have trouble loving again and all because she allowed it to happen. I hate to use her as an example, but she wants other women to learn from her mistakes.
Check out my Single Moms Dating Guide to Catching the Man of Your Dreams in 30 Days, for more on how to find out all about his past before committing to him as well as reasons why living together before marriage is a mistake.
How A Man Really Feels When He’s Dumped
Women are always seen as the more emotional sex and we often picture men to get through a break up completely fine with not an ounce of sadness or heartache, but the truth is that a break up is just as hard on a man as it is on a woman. Understanding how a man feels after having his heart broke can give you insight into why a man makes it hard for you to get close and why it’s so difficult for him to let his guard down and love again.
It turns out that several studies have shown that when it comes to the way men and women deal with a break up; men find it far more difficult and are more likely to suffer from depression and stress because of it. This has a lot to do with men having the tendency to keep things bottled up and opting to mask their pain with nights out drinking with the guys instead of doing what we women do: cry, talk it to death with friends and then cry some more. Women deal with the feelings and men prefer to ignore them in hopes that they will disappear.
When a guy gets together with his friends, it’s not likely that he’s gonna break down in tears and profess to his friends that he feels hurt and rejected and wishes she would come back. Men just don’t form bonds that intimate with anyone—except their girlfriends, so when you break it off; he’s not just lost his love but also the person he’d be mostly likely to confide in about the more ‘sensitive’ issues.
Another thing that men admit is that they don’t like starting over and having to get back in there and start from scratch. The excitement of all the new possibilities (i.e.; girls to have sex with) is fleeting because what they miss is the comfort and stability of the relationship. So we’re wrong when we envision a newly single guy to be out there playing the field and screwing a different woman every night, even if he claims that’s what he is or is going to do.
It’s also been shown that men take a lot longer to heal after a break up and find it incredibly difficult to move on. This is why it’s so important move slowly and make him pursue you as this is the only way that you can be really sure that he wants to be with you without a doubt. If you push him, come onto him and pursue him; you risk winding up with someone who is just settling for the ease of it all instead of a man who is completely sure that he wants to be with you and only you.
If you’re seeing a man who is having trouble letting his guard down, just try to be patient and remember that he may have been burned in the past just like you have and that he just needs to tread carefully until he feels certain that you aren’t going to do the same.
10 Ways To Keep Things Hot In Your Marriage
The big joke is that married people just don’t have sex because it stops the moment that they are
pronounced man and wife. This joke probably stems from the statistics that show that people do have sex less frequently as time goes on in their marriage. Isn’t that sad? Sex is one of the most natural forms of pleasure and one of the best ways to connect with your partner and help express your love. It’s natural for things to feel more comfortable and familiar when you’ve been with the same person for awhile and it’s easy to let life’s stresses get in the way of sex sometimes, but just like all other aspects of your marriage; you need to work on it a little to keep it going strong. With the right attitude, you can even make it better as time goes on!
Here are 10 ways to keep things hot in your marriage:
- Sleep naked! The feeling of skin on skin and just the heat of two bodies touching will get things stirring down below.
- Try sex toys! If even just browsing them online together or just looking through a sex shop can be like foreplay; imagine what using them will do!
- Surprise him! Leave a note in his briefcase telling him how hot he is or what you’re going to do with him when he gets home.
- Share your fantasies! Most are probably better left as fantasies and not acted on, but share them just the same to get things going and remind him how sexual you are.
- Get Down! A man loves good head and most complain that blowjobs are non-existent after marriage. Try waking him up with one so he starts his day right!
- Be affectionate! Men need to feel loved too and by always remaining affectionate; you are making him feel great and always connected to you.
- Wear lingerie! It doesn’t need to be anything to elaborate for him to love it. Wear sexy panties and bras and teddies under you clothes and around the house.
- Learn to give an erotic massage! This doesn’t need any explanation, does it?
- Go for a change of scenery! Take a road trip or just check into a local hotel for the night. Hotel sex is hot plus it gets you alone and away from the kids so you can let loose and be as loud and dirty as you want!
- Always say yes to sex! It never fails; a man will always roll over and press up against you the second he and his penis wake up, regardless of whether you’ve had a late night or have some bad morning breath, but always saying no could lead to him feeling rejected and withdrawing if not straying. You may not be in the mood, but once things get going it always feels good and you’ll be glad you let it happen. The less sex you have, the less desire you feel, so its crucial to keep the momentum going in order to avoid losing it all together.
Never forget how important sex is to a marriage and always try to remember how good it feels and how good it is for you both. Keep on f**king! LOL
Why Being a Mother Makes You More Attractive to Men
It’s true that there are men who run the other way when they see a single mom because they simply don’t want to have to deal with kids, but did you know that more men are likely to be attracted to a single mother?
When a man sees a wonderful woman with her child(ren) or listens to her speak of them, he instinctively feels drawn to her because men were made to pair up with women who would be good mother, so they are naturally attracted to those women that seem as if they would be a good mother to their children. Another reason that men are attracted to women with children is because they see them as nurturing and loving which is especially important to a man who is looking to settle down. There is something about a woman with kids that makes her seem grounded and stable and strong—also very appealing qualities to a man.
There are also physical attributes that mothers have which other women don’t; sometimes it’s a rounder belly, a fuller chest or just all out more womanly and we know men love that! Women who have had babies radiate a certain sexuality that other women don’t. It’s not so much a physical thing as psychological because to have gotten pregnant, we’d of had to have sex obviously and since women were created to have babies and men to spread their seed so-to-speak; a woman who has kids has obviously lived up to her role successfully. Men don’t consciously think this of course, but just the same way that a man instinctively feels the need to protect and hunt, he also on a deep level is drawn to a someone who can successfully have his babies.
Now that I’ve covered all of the subconscious stuff, I can break it down into terms that we all can relate to. A man wants to feel like a man as much as possible and this includes everything from being with a woman who sings his praises and tells him how great he is, to competing with other men to be better than they are and win the affections of a woman who may be hard to get and offer a challenge. As a single mom; you have been there and done that. Some other man managed to make an honest woman of you and make you a mother to his children but then didn’t succeed as a partner, so automatically this causes a bell to ring in a man’s brain that tells him that he wants to win you over, take care of you and your child(ren) and prove to you, himself and everyone else that he is not just a better man than you last, but THE man. It sounds egotistical and pretty strange, but again, it is just the way men happen to be wired and they do this naturally without even realizing it.
Anyway my sexy DIVA, be proud of who you are and of your children and allow yourself to be loved. You deserve it.
Letting Go Really Is Like Rehabbing An Addiction
I’ve got a few lists on the go of songs that really resonate with people when they’re going through a break up and the one that stands out in my mind the most is ‘Rehab’ by Rihanna. The words can pierce into the heart of anyone whose ever been in love and had to deal with letting go of their ‘habit’. It’s not really your typical ballad or sad song, but the words can definitely bring on the tears.
There is no video to the song, but I found one on YouTube that a fan created that includes the lyrics. Watch at and see what it does for you. It’s a great song.
Let me know your take on it and how it made you feel. Did it resonate with something you’ve been through? Did it make you cry? I’d love to hear from all you Divas!
I Should Have Gotten off AskMen.com While I Was Ahead
After singing the praises of AskMen.com for their great article on dating single moms; I came across their advice for ‘scoring a divorcee’. It’s a part of something they call the ‘Players Guide’—as if being a lying ass is anything to be proud of—and goes on to explain how to basically wine and dine her in order to reap the benefits of screwing a woman who just came out of a potentially boring or controlled marriage!
The article basically portrays divorcees as experienced women who are so starved for attention that they border on desperate and somewhat easy! Then the writer refers to us as ‘minivan-driving, coupon clippers’ who will basically be won over easily if a man spends a few more bucks and shows us what the ‘high life’ feels like! It even goes as far as to advise men to be spontaneous and show her a good time that is the opposite of marriage so that you can convince her that single life is better so that he can really score big.
As a woman who has made all kinds of mistakes in dating, I guess I really can’t do too much judging here, but I can tell you that with some of the jerks, I have a better understanding of where they were getting their dating tips and what may have actually made them jerks! LOL
There was actually an entire list of different advice articles for ‘Players’ and you need to sign up and become a member of the ‘Players Guide’ in order to read the entire piece. Stuff like: Juggling Multiple Women, How to Score Two Women in One Day and my personal favorite, Sleeping With Cougars!
Ladies, I think that by finding these articles I may have discovered the answer to the question that women have been asking for centuries—why are men such jerks?? Now I know why; because these articles are out there telling them that this is the way to behave! Whew—here we were starting to wonder if it was just us.
I’m not knocking all of the content on the site because as mentioned earlier; they did offer some very helpful advice and made some excellent points about dating single moms. For the most part, their love advice seems on track; it’s the ‘Player’s Guide’ that leaves much to be desired. And I pity any man who thinks that he’ll get anything/anyone of quality with those moves. LOL
The Advice That Men Are Being Given When it Comes to Dating Single Moms
I found an article over at the male’s online version of Cosmo; AskMen.com about dating single mothers. It’s always nice to get a man’s perspective on things and I was definitely interested in seeing what advice a man would give another man on dating us Divas with kid(s). I was impressed with most of it, especially the parts that were singing the praises of us wonderful single mothers. LOL
There was a subheading ‘Beware the Yummy Mummy’ which had me ready to rant, but after reading through it; turns out that the writer was warning men to not even bother playing games with a single mother since she’s pretty much been there and done that and likely doesn’t have the time or the energy to play games. I believe the line was that we are ‘hip to the games men play’. Well put.
He also points out that the child may hate the new man and why which I think was worth the mention since most men don’t think that deeply when it comes to asking us out. It would be nice to have men see us as women sometimes more so than moms, but in the end, a mom is what we are and there is no denying that our children are a part of the deal that cannot be negotiated in any way, shape or form.
The article points out the great things about dating a single mom as well as the “steep downside” which he still somehow spins to sound like a plus! The article is pretty thorough and totally pro-single moms which is a nice change considering some of the crap that has been written referring to single moms looking for love as being ‘desperate’ or looking for another ‘baby daddy’!
You can click here to check out the article. Feel free to forward it to all of your hot, single guy friends! LOL
